(see National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence, ). Men who rape believe they have a right of sexual access to women whenever they please and therefore often don’t view what they do as rape. The major difference between men who rape and men who don’t rape is their attitude toward women. It is important to remember that in many states the law states a person under the influence or alcohol and drugs cannot consent to sexual activity. In many instances, alcohol and drugs are used by a perpetrator to put the targeted person in a vulnerable position. Additionally, being under the influence of alcohol or drugs is not an invitation for non-consensual sexual activity. Sexual violence is about power and control not a result of how someone is dressed or whether they exhibit “promiscuous” behavior. Researcher David Lisak and others have found that false allegations of sexual assault are a myth. Time and again, I have heard people explain a rape allegation away by accusing the victim of lying about the incident. We also need to change our culture and how we are socialized to think.įirst and foremost, sexual assault victims are not responsible for non-consensual kissing, touching, and/or penetration (rape). So, where do we go from here? We need to set the record straight and raise awareness about the dynamics of sexual assault. Victim-blaming is a major cause for survivors of sexual assault not to come forward and report because they know they will be shamed, blamed, and not believed. Why we choose to blame women over men is directly a result of the deeply rooted sexist and misogynistic culture in which we live. They would rather believe that someone caused their own misfortune because it makes the world seem a safer place. Psychologists explain that people blame victims because it’s easier to distance themselves from a traumatic experience. Teaching women to avoid getting raped instead of teaching men not to rape Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history Trivializing or excusing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”) Think about it, there are examples all around us: Violence is promoted as sexy and male sexual aggression is encouraged. Like Shadia Duske states, this notion is constantly reiterated in advertising, movies, song lyrics, and in the way boys and girls are expected to behave. We are taught that girls and women are sexual objects to be conquered. Confident women are bitches, but confident men are intelligent and effective leaders. From a very early age girls and boys are taught that girls aren’t strong or smart, and boys are. Misogyny is the fear and hatred of women and dates back centuries. We live in a misogynistic, victim-blaming society. We have an established norm that when a woman accuses someone of sexual assault or rape, we make excuses for the perpetrator and immediately think: We have witnessed this time and again in high profile cases like the Judge Brett Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford, as well as in those closer to home. I am trying to reconcile the facts of the case and the decision that was made, as well as the comments I read on social media. I personally struggle with this decision, as do many service providers who work with sexual assault survivors on a daily basis.
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